The Homme-liness of Josh Homme: A Serenade

Queens of the Stone Age is perfect music for driving, drugs, and sex. Ideally, we could do all these activities at the same time in a triad of awesomeness, but since it’s hard for us ladies to get road dome while doing lines off the steering wheel (the whole multitasking thing must be a myth), let’s focus on the most important part of the equation: copulation in a song, because if there’s something I’d like getting stuck in my throat, it’s your cock, Josh Homme. I’m sure it tastes so good. Oh, but I knew it would.

I yearn for you to whisper secrets in my ear, slowly dancing cheek to cheek. No fire, no gun, no rope, no stone. But mostly I just want to drink wine and screw. This life is a trip when you're psycho in love. It’s something sweet to throw away, but I want something good to die for 'cause I'm so bored with myself. Any way, any time and any place; I'll just hang around on your street waiting. When you coming home? I can't wait forever. I've always been alone.

Where, oh, where have you been, my love? I'm wondering where the hell you been. Come, let's play along and let each other lose. You're the only thing I've got that I can't seem to get enough. I would beg, I would plead, I would shake for you. I wanna be crushed by your sweet caress. You say your yes button broke to automatic, but whatever we do, I won't tell anyone. You’re so tired. You’re wired, too. You’re a mess, I guess, and you’ve left me crawling, staring straight at the sun. Touch your lips to mine that we may make a kiss that can pierce through death and survive. Break me, lay me to waste, turn me into sweet nothings and kiss me goodbye, cozied up to the toilet, face stuck to the floor. I go lower and lower and lower, lower living easy. Young, dumb drinking semen. Underwater…underwater one day. I’ll show you a hole in me I never even saw.  I wanna lick you too much. I hear you coming, ooh, ah, baby.

Education is so lame when I bitch and I moan. I’m a loose girl, you’re a guy, and daddy got his gun loaded. You want this fat and soft, pink and weak foot and thigh, tongue and cheek? I'm so goddamn slick, baby, it's a sin. I got nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol. And Co-co-co-co-co-cocaine. I string ‘em up, I cut ‘em down. As long as the blue pill opens your eyes, is there a better way?

I just can't recall what started it all, or how to begin in the end. Maybe it was the hair like maple, skin like cream, hands of gold, there's velvet eyes…Yeaaah…oh! Look at you now.

I am no saint and make no claims to being in the right, but I won’t take this broken pussy elsewhere. It's just your love is like a drug. You wanna know why you feel so hollow? Because you are. You're missing out. Get sweet revenge with my blood. You wanna know how I do it? I do it all right. Burn this witch—burn to ash and bone! I don't care if it hurts, just so long as it's real. I’ll pout my bottom lip while you crack the whip. I know what you want. It's candy to come to. I’m the dog at your feet out of sight and out of time. Yours, and if only, if only, if only you could stay forever.

Or, you know, counter proposal: I go home and jerk off to Queens of the Stone Age. 

-          From the clitoris of Dragon, with generous handies by Beast

Medication, No One Knows, I Think I Lost My Headache, Little Sister, I Never Came, Walking on the Sidewalks, You Can’t Quit Me Baby, Go with the Flow, Regular John, Long Slow Goodbye, Into the Hollow, This Lullaby, How to Handle a Rope, Tangled Up in Plaid, In My Head, First It Giveth, You Got a Killer Scene There, Man…, Battery Acid, The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret, Turnin’ on the Screw, The Sky Is Fallin’, The Blood Is Love, 3’s and 7’s, I Was a Teenage Hand Model, Do It Again, The Fun Machine Took a Shit! And Died, Give the Mule What He Wants, Monsters in the Parasol, Skin on Skin, Leg of Lamb, You Would Know, Mosquito Song, Misfit Love, Feel Good Hit of the Summer, Avon, Better Living Through Chemistry, Make It Wit Chu, You’re So Vague, Mexicola, Running Joke, Run, Pig, Run, Broken Box, Like a Drug, Everybody Knows That You’re Insane, River in the Road, Infinity, Burn the Witch, Suture Up Your Future, Sick, Sick, Sick, Born to Hula, If Only, Someone’s in the Wolf, I’m Designer.